sometimes i feel like sitting in a dark room.
no dreams.
no stars.
not a single thought- and allow the night to swallow me, suck me into its abyss of eternal black.
in that womb of darkness, i imagine myself crying,uninterrupted. not the pretty sobs that are punctuated with watchful sighs. i imagine my skin, covered, head to toe, in brutally painful songs, tearing my skin with their melodies, drawing tears from lifeless eyes and breaking my heart over and over again.
in this blanket, i imagine feeling every part of my body, and then, almost immediately, going numb.
i experience death taking over me and i am not scared.
see, fear, is flooded, doused by fierce screams.
sometimes i feel like i am all alone. like i am already in this place where i am suffering in plain sight, with no one noticing the wounds.
when i eventually step out of my dark thoughts, the memories still haunt me. they follow me in my sleep, every time i close my eyes, crawling through my lids as shadows do through walls and closed doors.
i am alive.- but my brain carries me, ever so often, to my grave.
"I am alive but my brain ever so carries me to my grave" <This may be the realest shit you ever wrote! It makes me think of the constant nightmares that I had to the point that I could barely sleep anymore.
ReplyDeleteIt's eerie how much I relate to your words.
Pamoja!!!